By Blogger – Brooke Studdert
My heart skipped a beat this morning. My older son, Graham (5), had been out of town for a week with his dad. They arrived home late in the evening and Cooper (14 mo.) had already gone to sleep. My boys were reunited the next morning and of course the union began with a wrestling match. I took it all in. Six years ago I never thought this kind of moment would happen for me. We had tried everything! Four years of experimenting with every fertility medication and treatment. The thought of never becoming a mother wrenched my soul. Adoption didn’t appeal to me. I stayed inside on Mother's Days and prayed regularly that I would not want a baby anymore. The prayers didn't help; I still desperately wanted to become a mother. One of my most frustrating days came with the swirling news of friends' pregnancies and I was in charge of making invitations for two friend's baby showers. After working on the invitations that night, I went to Barnes & Noble. I perused the magazine section and (you're not going to believe this) one of my husband's ex's was on the cover of none other than Fit Pregnancy, with her perfectly rounded belly. I just couldn't believe it! Years later the irony is funny, but at the time, what a blow! I read once that couples who face infertility struggle with the same level of stress and carry the same emotional burden as someone dealing with cancer. Facing infertility definitely took a toll on my mind, body and soul but you know the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? I became fonder of being a mother than I would have if my babies came as soon as I thought I was ready. I cherish motherhood and during difficult times I can reflect on the days before I had my babies, remember how desperately I ached to have them in my life, and that helps me to put things into perspective.
If you have a child (or children), don't forget what a miracle that little baby of yours is. I know motherhood is hard. The hardest and most important job there ever was, if you ask me. I mean, we are in charge of molding little humans into responsible, kind, reliable, honest people! But do you remember the day you found out you were pregnant? The two days I found out were by far the best days of my life. Whether your pregnancy was expected or a complete surprise, there's no denying the raw emotion that comes with knowing that you are creating a baby! Don't forget that day and how blessed you are to be a mother.
If you are struggling with infertility, here are few things I've learned:
1) While a firm hug, a good cry, and chocolate do wonders for the soul, time was the only thing that really helped my heart to heal.
2) Take one day at a time
3) Retail therapy works
4) Getting a good workout in works better
5) If you're faced with infertility for your 2nd, 3rd, or 4th baby, don't feel guilty for wanting another one. For a long time I felt like I was selfish to think I deserved be able to have a second baby. Maternal instincts are powerful and you can't always relax and let it go.
6) Make a “Feel Good” folder. I put notes, emails, cards and any words of encouragement into my “Feel Good” folder. When I was feeling hopeless, reading these words helped to lift my spirit.
7) Remember that nobody has the perfect life – even those friends who seem to have babies with no issues at all.
Photo Credit: http://www.tracirampton.com/
Comments
I had a long journey to have our son (eventually thgourh IVF). But even during a pregancy and after there are tricky waters to navigate after being so long a part of the IF community. I realized that when I looked at new moms with babies in church, I don’t know their story or how they go there. Now I’m on of those moms. And it is still odd reacting to pregnancy announcements because I don’t know if it will ever happen to me again. IF makes you a different person and being a parent doesn’t change it. And as for bonding even after being pregnant for 9-10 months you still are meeting a new person. You love your baby but the overwhelming bond for me came at about 6 weeks when I knew him.I am so happy to read your story and hear about your little girl. It will be a wild ride.
My husband and I have struggled with infertility for 5 years. Eleven fertility treatments, three surgeries and two miscarriages and I am 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant as I write this. We finished the nursery this week and I washed baby clothes for the first time tonight. The hospital bags are packed. I am so glad this story came to me tonight. It has been such a long journey. I am still in disbelief this is happening to us even though I am growing bigger by the minute! I thank God for the difficult road because I feel we won’t sweat the small stuff as much. This post came at the perfect time as all things do in life! Thank you for your story and for sharing pictures. I pray for all couples struggling with infertility. God bless.
Beautiful, gave me hope and inspiration. Thank you for sharing, I really needed this while facing infertility.
Thank you for the beautiful post and for sharing! I just put my miracle baby to bed for the night. :) Infertility is so hard and you are right on with saying that it makes you fonder of motherhood. It has also made me not take things so seriously – like blowouts in a car seat, haha! I look back on those days of finding out that another month went by without a baby and sit in awe that I now am a mom. Those hard days are all worth it in the end. I like to think, that all that struggle lead to this baby. This specific baby that I have now wouldn’t have been here a year or two years before so with whatever reason it is that we go through these things, I know it is for a reason and it is all in a plan that we just can’t see yet or may never see. But this child was meant to be here and for me to be it’s momma.
Beautiful story.